in the blink of an eye (mentalhopscotch) wrote,
in the blink of an eye

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i've got this urge inside of me to be doing something, and it is really confusing me, to the point where i can hardly talk. and everything has to be neat and organized. like today at lunch. i had to make this salad and then had all these wrappers sitting on the table and i felt like they were taking up too much space. i get like that when i am finished eating something that comes in a bag, and always get up after i finish eating one thing to throw the baggie away.

now i am incessantly and excessively cleaning my room. the one good thing that has come out of this is that i sat down and wrote down alot of ideas i have my choreography piece and my vision became a little more clear about it, but it also gave me alot more ideas so at the same time my head is clouded but at least i have it all down on paper.

i feel like this is making me go crazy.

i was eating dinner with my grandma and sister, and my grandma tells me to be sweet. be sweet like jesus. i looked at her and told her i don't believe in god. she mumbled a little something, and then went on like i didn't say anything. which is good, because i hate even thinking about religion... because i have no thoughts on the subject. i can hardly comprehend my own life, much lesss the fucking cosmos.

I received a package of hope from zach yesterday but I didn't get it until today. He burned me some music! That was very nice and gives me hope indeed. I will be working on sending something back in the meantime.
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