in the blink of an eye (mentalhopscotch) wrote,
in the blink of an eye
mentalhopscotch

after an ok day that really felt half-empty, i decided to take myself on a much needed shopping spree. i picked up joey and went to Ybor. There, we went to Urban Outfitters where I got some pants, and this pink Kik Girl shirt from the raver store. Afterwards, we went to Borders where I listened to music and bought three cd's to start my cd collection again. I have just decided that I will only buy music if I don't know anyone who will burn it for me and also, if the price is it. I bought: the new Tori Amos Scarlet's Walk, The Flaming Lips Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, and DJ Dara Future Perfect.

I had to pink my sister up from cheerleading afterwards and was suposed to take her to dance class, but we ended up screaming at each other like usual with her getting out of my car and stomping off into the dark in my neighborhood and my grandma panicking and wanting to call 911 because we could not find her and then the dog getting out in the middle of it... i have had about enough of dealing with twelve year olds.

the way i feel right now is the way i always feel right before i go back into a cycle of doing drugs. i go on a shopping spree, spending most of my money, and watch drug movies. i become bored and frustrated. then i either drink or start smoking pot again and then i do e or coke on the weekends and it just ruins everything. it doesn't solve anything, and i don't get anything done, and it steals away my creativity and passion for dance and life in general. I also never have enough money to buy things I actually want, much less money to be spending on drugs. Maybe that is why I always go on shopping sprees during the transition period... oh i analyze too much.

i don't want to go on these binges again. but i've already been through this two or three times already. i want to go over to joey's to drink this weekend, but i don't want to fall into this cycle again. i don't really see it happening, but it could. i don't want it to. not until this month is over. but it's sort of like, this sticker i saw today: "I said no to drugs, but the drugs didn't listen."

I talked about this with joey and he said we should both make a conscious effort to stop for awhile, or at least just not do it excessively. i think i'll be ok. i have no money anyway.
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